What I Really Want My Children to Learn

I often am asked by people unfamiliar with homeschooling how I decide what to teach my children. I recognize that they are operating from a school-based philosophy of education, and probably envision me sitting down and teaching my children the way a teacher or tutor teaches their students. When a fellow homeschooler finds out we are unschoolers the question becomes, “How will they learn everything they need to know?” School has caused us to believe that we need to be taught in order to learn, and that there is a list of things you must know in order to be successful as an adult. 

So what do I want my children to learn?

Passion. Finding something that you're passionate about is a foundation to so much of what we hope for education to do for our children. So when our children find something that they are passionate about, they are practicing skills that will help them to become the thriving adults we hope for them to become. Passion feeds curiosity, which helps our children to want to learn/develop more. It teaches our brains that learning is pleasurable. Engaging in a passion triggers dopamine release in our brain, helping shape our brains to become motivated and focused. This focus and desire to learn develops intrinsic motivation which will help our children to learn to work towards the goals they set or do the things they need to do for a related goal or value. The passion that our children discover at 5, 10, or even in their late teens is not necessarily even related to what they will do as adults, but the practice of being passionate about something is setting them in a direction for success. I see one of my responsibilities as their parent as to expose my children to beautiful ideas and various possibilities that might be the start of a passion or interest. 

Curiosity. I want my kids to develop a curious posture towards life and others. When learning is pushed on a child, it ceases to be enjoyable and it can grow into apathy about the world. When learning is self-paced and interest-driven, the child’s natural curiosity remains. As a parent I try to foster curiosity by asking good questions and expressing awe. “I wonder why chickens can’t fly” or “What a beautiful sunset God painted in the sky this evening”. 

Character. More than I care what my children know, I care about the person they are and are becoming. I care about developing character traits, growing the fruits of the spirit in their lives. I want them to see that I value the type of person they are, so much more than what they accomplish. I want them to learn the values of honesty and faithfulness. I hope for them to live out the love of God and rest in it. I want them to see the world through eyes of gratitude with thanksgiving on their hearts. I want them to learn perseverance and joy. To live out grace in their interactions with others. 

Resilience. Suffering is one of the few guarantees in life and I want my children to have experienced how to handle the obstacles or times of suffering while they live at home so that they know how to navigate these. I want them to have seen me turn to God in my own suffering and also to have personally experienced the comfort of our Father. This doesn’t mean I will cause hard things to happen of course, but rather that when hard things come I want to help them develop a mindset that will allow them to grow in character. Instead of rescuing them from suffering, if that suffering isn’t too major, teach them to work and grow through it. 

Intrinsic motivation, or being motivated to do an activity because of the pleasure derived from the activity itself. Intrinsic motivation is best developed through working on one’s own interest. I want to give my children plenty of autonomy within set boundaries, and free time so that they can dive into their interests and practice working towards their self-selected goals. I want to assist my children in making informed decisions so that they are empowered to set goals and take steps to reach these goals they set for themselves. The development of intrinsic motivation will help them to do the things they don’t necessarily want to do for the sake of a larger goal. It will help them to make choices that are in their own best interest. It’s the motor that will get them where they want to go.

Grit. This ties in closely with internal motivation, as grit is the ability to do hard things to achieve goals. I want them to be able to persevere when the going gets tough, and not be easily thrown off course as obstacles come up. Both Grit by Angela Duckworth and Mindset by Carol Dweck are excellent books on this topic. 

Self-awareness. I want my children to know who God made them to be. What strengths did he give them? What are their sin tendencies? What brings them joy? What drives them nuts? What motivates them? What bias do they have? What are their limits, when do they need a break? How much sleep does their body need? 

People Skills. I recently read an article stating that in these tech savvy younger generations entering the work force, employers are having to adjust to employees with great tech skills, but a lack of people skills. I want my children to have the advantage of great people skills, with the ability to influence others, clearly communicate their thoughts and relate to others. I desire for them to connect with others and have deep, meaningful relationships. 

How to Learn. I don’t want them to wait to be taught something, but rather if they need information, or are even just curious, know how to go out and get the information or connect to the resources they need to learn. People learn in many different ways, sometimes called learning styles. I want my children to have awareness of how they learn so they can make informed decisions on how to chase after the information they want or need. Instead of knowledge that extends a mile wide and an inch deep, I want my children to experience the fulfillment that comes from learning a depth to a subject they care about. I want to explore history, not as a study of facts about the past, but a window into time and people of the past that laid a foundation for the today’s world and influenced modern events. I want them to learn how much they don’t know, as to be humble with their opinion.

Critical Thinking. In a world with easy access to information, my hope for my children is that they learn how to think about what they hear/read. Critical thinking is developed through taking time to consider, discuss, and question ideas. Information is only as useful as what is done with the information. More than what they learn, I want them to know what to do with the information they receive and how to think critically about it. 

Life Skills. Understanding skills required for life has been neglected in our schools as we’ve done away with the home economics and shop classes. But can you really even learn all you need to know in one class. We require algebra, but forget to teach our children how to do their taxes, budget or basic finances. What about how to mend clothing, cook, remove stains, plant a garden, treat an ill child, change a flat tire, fix a broken faucet….oh the list could go on and on. As my children continue to grow, I want to continue to involve them in the daily life skills so they can be competent adults before our society even considers them fully grown. When they do take their first step on their own journey I hope they are confidently able to care for themselves. 

Risk-taking. I want my children to know their limits, and grow their limits. From the time they were toddlers and I let them climb up as high as they could on our neighborhood playground, to now climbing trees and hiking along steep and rocky trails; I want them to know what they are physically capable of. I don’t cushion their world too much as babies (obviously I prevent any real harm), because realizing that it hurts to bump your head or fall is the best teacher of caution. Not all risk taking is physical. It’s also encouraging them to ask for things they want (I make my kids order their own hot chocolate when we take them out), or encouraging them to ask another kid at the playground to play with them. You learn you can reach further when you stretch your limits. You don’t learn to try again without failure. But when they take risk, and accomplish a task, they learn the satisfaction of success.

Instead of worrying about our children learning the things that our schooled-mindset tells us to focus on, I want to focus on the quality of my child’s personhood. The other things can be learned as we go, or caught up on later, but this is the list that I want to focus on being most intentional about. Developing their character that will last into adulthood. Raising Jesus-loving, curious, learning enthusiast who interact with the world around them to be salt and light.